Archive for the ‘ Divorce ’ Category

Top 10 Reasons for Divorce

Posted on: June 23, 2017 by in Divorce
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The divorce rate is still high in the United States, and even though millions of people have divorced, for those who are single or happily married, the reasons people get divorced can be hard to grasp. The top ten reasons people divorce are listed below, along with some warning signs and red flags that couples need to recognize early if they want to remain happily married. If it’s too late for that in your own situation, and divorce is inevitable or the only choice, speak at once with an experienced Cerritos divorce attorney.

A humor website recently posted the “twelve craziest reasons why people get divorced.” An elderly man in Italy divorced his equally elderly wife after he discovered she had been in an affair – seventy years ago when they were first married. Another Italian man told the court that his wife was possessed by the Devil. A California woman reportedly divorced her husband because he voted for Donald Trump.

A thoughtful reader of these “humorous” news stories will conclude that these marriages had deeper, longer-term problems, and that the Devil and Donald Trump were merely “final straws” after years of unhappy marriage. Understanding the real reasons why people divorce may be the first step in saving a marriage if the spouses are willing to learn from the mistakes that other couples have made. What are the real reasons why people divorce? Here are the top ten:

#1. The Extra-Marital Affair

The leading reason for divorce is still the oldest and most obvious reason – the extra-marital affair. Anger, resentment, and a lack of emotional intimacy can all play a role when one spouse cheats on the other. Affairs often start innocently as casual friendships, according to marital expert Ruth Houston, who says, “It starts as an emotional affair which later becomes a physical affair.”

#2. Love – And the Love of Money

Money can bring people together, but it can also split them apart. Differences in spending habits and different financial goals can turn a marriage into a power struggle over who controls the money.

According to a survey conducted by Money magazine, couples fight about money twice as much as they fight about sex. And if one partner has more debt, discussions about income and spending can quickly become heated.

#3. A Failure to Communicate

Obviously, communication in marriage is imperative, and a failure to communicate effectively can create a marriage where both partners are frustrated and resentful.

Ignoring a spouse or giving a partner the “silent treatment” never builds up a marriage, and good communication is essential to any marriage that’s long and strong.

Practicing clear communication and changing old habits isn’t easy, but that’s sometimes what it takes for a marriage to flourish.

#4. The Non-Stop Argument

While some couples fail to communicate, others seem to never stop communicating – loudly and negatively. From bickering over the chores to disputes over the kids, arguments that seem like a shouting match that never ends are sure to kill a marriage. If you’re in a partnership that’s more like an argument than a marriage, you need to seek marriage counseling before the argument is brought to a permanent conclusion – in a divorce court.

#5. Weight and Appearance

Yes, it’s unfair. And yes, it’s shallow, but the truth is that gaining weight really is a frequent reason why people divorce. We all want our partners to look good for us, so if you’re picking up six or eight pounds a year, consider your spouse, reconsider your diet, and start working out. Exercising regularly and adhering to a healthy diet is something that we all need to be doing anyway.

#6. Reality Sets In

Young people in particular – although not exclusively young people – often start a marriage with genuinely unreasonable, unrealistic expectations. Your partner is someone who’s flawed and makes mistakes, someone who can sometimes be thoughtless. So are you.

Expecting perfection from someone can generate real stress, and it sets up your spouse for inevitable failures. It’s better in the long run if you can flip your perspective and lower your expectations for your spouse. He or she is only human.

#7. The Need for – and Lack of – Intimacy

Married couples need to “feel’ something like a psychic or spiritual connection. They need intimacy, and they need to feel that intimacy. Without a feeling or sense of connection, you can feel like you’re married to a stranger – or to a mystery.

Intimacy doesn’t necessarily mean sex, and sometimes it’s hard to define, but we know what a lack of intimacy is – it’s thoughtlessness and the “cold shoulder.” If you are constantly getting that cold shoulder, it may be time to consider a divorce.

#8. Partnership and Equality

A marriage isn’t a master-slave relationship and it isn’t a parent-child relationship either. If one partner feels forced to take on more responsibility, it can reduce that person’s view of the other partner and lead to resentment. Every couple must learn to live as equals, sharing the challenges and responsibilities of the marriage. An unequal marriage – where one partner dominates in almost every aspect of the relationship – probably will not stand the test of time.

#9. Immaturity – At All Ages

Surveys consistently find that divorced persons feel that they were unprepared for marriage, their partner was unprepared for marriage, or they were both unprepared.

The divorce rate is highest for people who are still in their 20s, and nearly half of all divorces take place in the first ten years of a marriage. That tells us that a lot of people really are not ready for marriage or understand what it requires.

#10. Physical or Emotional Abuse

When someone is being abused in a marriage, whether physically or emotionally, it may be time to seek a divorce. It doesn’t necessarily mean that the abuser is a “bad” person. Most abusers have deep emotional issues that may date back to their childhoods. Nevertheless, there is no reason to tolerate abuse, and the victim of abuse must do whatever it takes to remain safe and healthy – including, in many cases, getting a divorce.

Marriage is work, but even the best couples will face difficult challenges, and when they cannot resolve those challenges, they may choose divorce. Address these matters early in your marriage – when they first emerge. And if you need to obtain a divorce in Southern California, consult an experienced Cerritos divorce attorney who will make certain that your divorce is resolved justly and that you are treated fairly throughout the divorce process.

Will I Have To Attend A Mandatory Divorce Settlement Conference In California?

Posted on: March 17, 2017 by in Divorce
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If you are divorcing or anticipating a divorce in Southern California, knowing what to expect can help you in a number of ways. Start by reading as much of the divorce paperwork as you can. That way, you won’t be surprised unexpectedly by anything that happens in your divorce trial. Before a trial, both spouses must fill out and exchange various documents confirming their assets, properties, income, and expenses. A Los Angeles divorce attorney can help a divorcing spouse understand and accurately complete the legal documents and additional paperwork.

While a very few divorces are undisputed – which makes the process easier – most divorcing spouses are dealing with some type of dispute regarding property division, child custody, child support, and/or alimony. When these disputes cannot be settled early in the divorce process, judges in California can order a mandatory divorce settlement conference.

At a “trial setting” session prior to a divorce trial, lawyers for both spouses confer with the judge. If the lawyers are ready, the judge may schedule a date for the divorce trial or may instead set a date for a mandatory divorce settlement conference.

Mandatory divorce settlement conferences are designed to reduce the issues in dispute in a divorce, and these conferences can be conducted in several ways. A judge may take part in the conference or may appoint a professional mediator to help the disputing spouses reach some agreements. A divorce settlement conference is typically conducted thirty days before the trial date.

Particularly when the custody of a child or children is in dispute, a settlement conference will be ordered to give parents one final chance to reach an agreement they can both live with. Both spouses will need to be at the settlement conference.


Prior to a divorce settlement conference, the spouses must file with the court a legal brief that includes an outline of the facts in the case, a summary of the arguments they will make, and an itemized list of the pertinent financial details. Your divorce attorney can file this brief on your behalf. The attorneys may meet prior to the conference or at the start of the conference about the possibility of settlements.

If the court has appointed a mediator to facilitate the settlement conference, the mediator will explain the procedure either at the start of the conference or by contacting the spouses several days in advance. Typically, both parties present their cases after the rules are explained. The mediator or judge may then meet separately with each side.

A mediator or judge may ask questions and explain to each side the flaws in their arguments and the potential outcomes and consequences of the conference. After each side meets with the judge or mediator, the attorneys have another opportunity to negotiate the remaining differences.

Spouses and their attorneys are required to stay and negotiate until a settlement is reached or until the mediator or judge believes that a settlement cannot be reached. Some conferences run for a full day. If a settlement is reached, the attorneys or the mediator will draft the paperwork, the judge will review it, and in most cases the judge will sign the agreement and make it binding.

If some matters can be settled by negotiation but others cannot (for example, the spouses agree on child custody but not on alimony) the judge may sign the partial settlement and hear arguments regarding any other disputes at trial.


From the date when the non-filing spouse is served with divorce papers, a divorce in California takes a minimum of six months – and usually somewhat longer. In the weeks prior to a divorce trial, your Los Angeles divorce attorney will keep you updated about any negotiations with your spouse’s attorney and anything else you’ll need to know regarding your case. The divorce rules and procedures in California are precisely the same for both opposite-sex couples and same-sex married couples.

Whenever a couple can reach agreements on potential disputes over alimony, custody, child support, and the division of marital assets, they can avoid substantial costs and aggravations, and a formal divorce trial can often conclude quite quickly or be avoided entirely. A divorce in California requires at least one spouse to reside in the state for at least six successive months and to be a resident of the county where the divorce papers are filed for a minimum of three consecutive months.

Juries do not decide divorces in the state of California. All final orders and decisions in California divorce trials are made exclusively by family law judges. When the disagreements that separate two spouses cannot be settled, a trial may become unavoidable. It is imperative for a divorcing spouse to remain focused throughout the entire divorce process and to know what to expect in a mandatory divorce settlement conference and in a divorce trial.

Under California’s no-fault divorce laws, no one has to prove that anyone has done “wrong” or has “fault.” A claim by either partner of “irreconcilable differences” is sufficient to obtain a divorce in California. While it is imperative to know what to expect in a settlement conference or in a divorce trial, preparing yourself emotionally may be even more important.

You can help your case by being as objective and truthful as possible. Even the slightest exaggeration, deception, or misrepresentation of the facts will hurt your credibility and your interests in a divorce settlement conference or a trial.


Couples who are divorcing in this state have a number of options including mediation, arbitration, and collaborative divorce. These alternatives can save a couple money, time, and most of the aggravations and inconveniences of a contentious divorce trial. A good California divorce lawyer can help divorcing spouses decide exactly which alternative is the best path for their divorce.

Your goal in a divorce is justice – to be treated fairly throughout the entire divorce process. The division of assets and the issue of alimony often become complicated and contentious. Child custody and child support disputes are almost always highly emotionally-charged. An experienced attorney who routinely handles all aspects of California family law can make all the difference in a settlement conference or a divorce trial.

Divorce And Real Estate: What Happens To The Family Home?

Posted on: February 23, 2017 by in Divorce, Uncategorized
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When a married couple buys a home in the state of California, it’s their community property, and if the couple divorces, the home must be “split” 50/50. When a marriage ends, the division of the family home is often a central point of dispute. Divorce often means a new lifestyle, a smaller home, or even a move to a new community.

For most spouses who are divorcing in California, selling the family home during the divorce is usually the best way to split the home. Of course, both parties will want the maximum possible benefit from the sale, and that’s where conflict can surface.


What are your options when you divorce in California and the family home must be divided? When you seek a divorce in this state, it’s imperative for you to understand all of your options and alternatives. In Southern California, to make sure that you are aggressively represented and that your legal rights are protected throughout the divorce process, work from the very start with an experienced Long Beach divorce attorney. If you and the spouse you are divorcing can agree, these are some of the options for splitting the family home:

  • Selling the home: The easiest way to split a home is simply to put the home on the market and then divide the proceeds 50/50. Unfortunately, for one reason or another, this solution won’t be available in many divorces.
  • A buy-out or sell-out agreement: In a buy-out, one spouse simply buys the other spouse’s half of the home. If you and the spouse you are divorcing agree to a buy-out, a good divorce lawyer will look out for your long-term interests.
  • Remaining at the home: Certain divorcing couples may be able to share a house until a divorce is complete, but this plainly isn’t feasible for most couples during the divorce process. If the two of you choose to remain under one roof during the divorce procedure, establish clearly understood limitations and rules.


However, one of the worst moves you can make just prior to a California divorce is voluntarily moving out of the house. If your name is on a lease or a mortgage, you are not obligated to leave. Sleep on a sofa or set up a tent in the back yard if you must. But do not move out before any divorce papers have been filed. If the case goes to a trial, your spouse’s lawyer can claim that you “abandoned” your family, and you’ll have a difficult time refuting the charge.

Dividing and distributing the marital assets is always a daunting challenge in the divorce process. If selling is the agreed-upon option for the home, selling also means that the divorcing spouses will have to select an agent, determine a selling price, and agree on the terms. Make sure the sale price takes into account your expenses: mortgage loan balances, legal fees, interest accrued, recording fees, transfer taxes, and property taxes. A real estate agent can help you determine the right selling price. Divorcing spouses who agree to sell their home will want the advice of an experienced divorce lawyer as well as a trustworthy and experienced real estate agent.

If a buy-out is the agreed-upon option for the home, and you are bought out by your spouse, have your name deleted from the title. If you are the one buying out your spouse’s share of the home, know the details regarding the mortgage, the principal-interest ratio, the taxes, and the homeowner’s insurance. If you plan to buy out your spouse’s equity in the home, you’ll need the ability to qualify for a mortgage by yourself.


If you sell the home, you also must decide if either spouse will remain in the home until the sale. When divorcing spouses are parents, the parent with custody frequently stays in the home. If the house does not sell quickly, then provisions for the additional mortgage payments will need to be included in the final divorce settlement. Repairs, maintenance, and other expenses that selling a home entails will also have to be considered. If the valuation of the home is below the current mortgage balance, divorcing spouses may choose to wait and sell the home after market conditions improve.

As you can imagine, a number of factors must be considered when you sell your home during a divorce. Financial details are a substantial part of any divorce, so the more properties and assets you and your spouse own, the more complicated a divorce will be. While you should seek specific personal advice about finances during a divorce from an experienced Long Beach divorce attorney, the suggestions provided here can help you keep your finances in order during and after the sometimes-lengthy divorce process:

  • Pay thoughtful attention to how your house is titled, where your important financial documents are stored, and the details regarding your assets, your debts, and your retirement benefits.
  • Pay thoughtful attention particularly to your retirement plans. A divorce can effect your retirement savings, military retirement payments, corporate pensions, and Social Security entitlements.
  • If the final divorce settlement lets you, close, split, or personally refinance mortgages, credit cards, and auto loans. Your own credit score shouldn’t suffer simply because your former spouse makes late payments or no payments at all.
  • A divorcing parent may be ordered by the court to pay child support. Establishing a life insurance policy can guarantee those payments are made if the non-custodial, support-paying parent dies while the child support order is in effect.
  • Keep on top of your own financial situation, because expenses really do rise when you are on your own. Two may not be able to live quite as cheaply as one, but the reality is that the single life really does cost more.

Bring your beneficiary designations up to date and ask your Long Beach divorce attorney about the changes you’ll need to make to your will and other legal documents after a divorce. California law does not require you to hire an attorney to handle your divorce, but an experienced California divorce lawyer can help you understand your rights in a divorce and provide the legal guidance you need – right from the start.

Can You Marry A Robot? New Frontiers In Family Law

Posted on: January 27, 2017 by in Divorce
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For many people, Obergefell v. Hodges, the 2015 Supreme Court decision that finally made same-sex marriage legal in every state, was the end of a long journey – the victory that marriage equality activists had sought for decades. However, as marriage equality takes effect in a growing number of nations, a Los Angeles family law attorney might tell you that same-sex marriage isn’t the “end” of anything. Instead, it’s only the beginning of the many pressing challenges that the institution of “traditional” marriage will be facing in the 21st century.

A woman in France, for example, has told the Daily Mail that she is in love with a robot and wants to marry it. “I’m a proud robosexual, we don’t hurt anybody, we are just happy,” the woman, identified only as Lilly, says on her Twitter page. Lilly is not alone. Dr. David Levy, the author of Love and Sex With Robots: The Evolution Of Human-Robot Relationships, predicts that human beings will routinely marry robot spouses by 2050. “Love with robots will be as normal as love with other humans,” Dr. Levy writes.

Dr. Levy was also one of the speakers at the “Second International Conference on Love and Sex With Robots,” which was held in December 2016 at the University of London. The Conference’s website tells visitors, “Within the fields of Human-Computer Interaction and Human-Robot Interaction, the past few years have witnessed a strong upsurge of interest in the more personal aspects of human relationships with these artificial partners.”

The website further explains: “This upsurge has not only been apparent amongst the general public, as evidenced by an increase in coverage in the print media, TV documentaries and feature films, but also within the academic community. The International Congress on Love and Sex with Robots provides an excellent opportunity for academics and industry professionals to present and discuss their innovative work and ideas in an academic symposium.”


If marrying a robot does not appeal to you, perhaps you’d care instead to marry a bridge. That’s right. In 2013 a woman married a bridge in France at a ceremony that included fourteen guests and a blessing from the mayor of the small village where the bridge is located. Jodi Rose married Le Pont du Diable Bridge in Céret, southern France after visiting dozens of bridges all over the world. She told the Daily Mail, “He gives me a safe haven.”

Most of us, however, would probably prefer to marry other human beings, but even when you restrict your potential marriage partners to the human species, traditional marriage is still under assault – everywhere. Last year, a judge in Argentina allowed a 33-year-old Argentine woman to marry her 32-year-old stepdaughter. Although Argentina’s Civil Code outlaws any incestuous or parent-child marriage, the Argentine judge ruled that all of that nation’s citizens have “the right to be treated with dignity by the laws in all dimensions of life, including marriage.”

Here in the United States, polygamous or “plural” marriage – the marriage of more than two persons – is the next likely legal challenge to traditional marriage. Noah Feldman, who is a professor of constitutional and international law at Harvard University, wrote an article titled “Polygamy Is Constitutional” for Bloomberg View in 2016. Feldman believes that the U.S. Constitution implicitly allows for plural marriage, and he says it’s strange that plural marriage is not currently allowed.


Already, you may legally have multiple sexual partners, and you may conduct private religious ceremonies legally. On that basis, Feldman contends, it seems that there is nothing in the Constitution that would make plural or polygamous marriages unconstitutional. But should a state be obligated to recognize a plural marriage as the equivalent of a two-person marriage? Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy has already written, in Obergefell, that there is a “fundamental” right to marry “the person” of your choice, and that everyone should have the opportunity to exercise that right.

If cases concerning plural marriage – or even robot marriage – eventually reach the U.S. Supreme Court, the judges will decide if the “fundamental right” to marry the person of your choice is outweighed by a “compelling state interest” in preventing such a marriage. In criminal law, for instance, your right to privacy is “fundamental,” but the government’s compelling interest in stopping impaired drivers allows the police to detain drivers at DUI checkpoints without warrants or even reasonable cause. We know why drunk drivers must be stopped, but Feldman asks: What would be the “compelling” state interest in forbidding plural marriage?


Opponents of plural marriage argue that these marriages often involve exploitation and even abuse. In 2000, the United Nations Human Rights Committee declared that polygamy is a violation of the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights and cited concerns that the lack of “equality of treatment with regard to the right to marry” meant that polygamy violates the dignity of women and should be outlawed.

However, Feldman contends that plural marriage is not “necessarily” abusive, and he says that the preferable constitutional solution is to criminalize exploitation rather than plural marriage. And some judges, it seems, are prepared to affirm plural marriage. In 2014, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit said, “there is no reason to think that three or four adults, whether gay, bisexual, or straight, lack the capacity to share love, affection, and commitment, or for that matter lack the capacity to be capable (and more plentiful) parents to boot.”

Located in Hawaii, the World Polyamory Association is actively promoting what the group calls “triad” marriage. And “Loving More,” a Colorado-based nonprofit, claims that over 10,000 “polyamorists” already live in “semi-married” arrangements in Utah, Nevada, and Arizona. Clearly, plural marriages would open up plenty of complications regarding divorce and child custody. If you are currently divorcing, anticipating a divorce, or involved in a child custody dispute in Southern California, discuss your concerns with an experienced Los Angeles family law attorney.

Polygamous marriage, of course, is nothing new historically and it is not unusual, either. It’s already accepted in most Muslim nations, and even in the Old Testament, kings like David and Solomon had scores of marital partners. Harvard law professor Noah Feldman concludes his argument by insisting that plural marriages should be legalized by the states and honored by the courts.

What Is The “Fathers’ Rights” Movement?

Posted on: December 22, 2016 by in Divorce
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If you are a father, whether you are married or divorced, you have rights. The courts are supposed to honor relationships between parents and their children, but many dads feel they are compelled to pay too much for child support while having too little parenting time. If you are the legal father of your child, it is imperative to insist on your parental rights during and after a divorce. Even if you are not granted full custody, you should have visitation privileges, and you should be assured that your rights as a father will not be taken from you.

The “fathers’ rights” movement emerged originally in the 1960s. It is essentially a loosely-organized group of activists who deal with family law issues such as child custody and child support that impact fathers and their children. It’s not exclusively male – many of the supporters of fathers’ rights are the second wives of divorced fathers. Fathers’ rights activists and supporters are often people who had scant interest in law or politics prior to being divorced, people who feel the family courts have treated them unjustly.


Let’s be frank. Despite the law’s official “gender-neutrality,” most courts still routinely favor the mother in a custody case. In the late 20th and early 21st centuries, the growth and expansion of the internet has allowed for wider discussion of fathers’ rights issues, expanded publicity, and increasing activism about the issues of interest to fathers’ rights activists. High divorce rates and societal changes in the expectations we have of parents have contributed to the movement’s growth.

More specifically, the fathers’ rights movement works and advocates for strong relationships between fathers and their children subsequent to divorce. The activists focus almost exclusively on the concerns of divorced or divorcing fathers. Organized fathers’ rights groups tend to form and dissolve quickly, often breaking up over disagreements about the movement’s philosophy and tactics.

The few fathers’ rights groups that have operated for decades – such as Families Need Fathers (active in the United Kingdom since 1974) and the Lone Fathers Association of Australia (active in that nation since 1972) – survive primarily on the efforts of key, dedicated individuals. It’s not uncommon for divorcing fathers to become temporary fathers’ rights activists during a divorce and then to lose interest after their personal parenting disputes have been resolved.


Fathers’ rights activists tend to be independently-minded, cannot be characterized as “conservative” or “liberal,” and use a variety of methods and strategies to achieve their goals. In fact, the movement has both conservative and liberal factions, so while activists agree about discrimination against fathers, they disagree about why that discrimination exists and how it can be stopped.

Some sociologists view the fathers’ rights movement as a strand of a broader “men’s movement” that includes everything from the Christian “Promise Keepers” group to the online “MGTOW” (“men going their own way”) movement. Warren Farrell, a veteran of the fathers’ rights movement since the 1970s, characterizes fathers’ rights as part of a larger “gender transition movement” that is reforming traditional views of fatherhood and motherhood.

Farrell also says that the fathers’ rights movement has been good for kids by pushing for more kids to be raised equally by both parents, thus providing more academic, psychological, social, and health benefits for children. All of the research – for decades – has confirmed that children raised by two parents are less at risk for criminal behavior and addiction. Fathers and mothers each make a unique contribution to a child’s development. In fact, Farrell believes the fathers’ rights movement is more genuinely a children’s rights movement with fathers acting as activists and advocates for children. All factions of the fathers’ rights movement makes these claims:

• Fathers are discriminated against because of gender bias in family law and the personal bias of judges.
• Child custody and child support rulings frequently represent a denial of equal rights.
• The influence of money has corrupted family law.


The political efforts of the fathers’ rights movement have primarily consisted of lobbying and campaigning for formal legal rights for fathers, and sometimes for children, and to work for family law reforms in the areas of child custody, support and maintenance, domestic violence, and the family court system itself. Apart from political activism, fathers’ rights groups also provide counseling, support groups, and help to fathers and children going through separations and divorces.

Divorce is not easy for anyone. If you are a father who is divorcing or anticipating a divorce, you may feel humiliated, belittled, angry, and filled with despair all at the same time. It can be a whirlwind of emotions. Fathers who are either already divorced or going through a divorce also have real concerns about burdensome payments for child-support and visitation privileges that very limited. Despite fathers facing a better legal situation now than they did in prior to the 70’s, truly equitable legal fairness is still something that we hope to see in the future.

For now, however, it is absolutely imperative to have experienced legal representation in a divorce or a child custody dispute, especially if a father genuinely believes that he is more capable of being the better custodial parent. In Southern California, fathers who are divorcing or anticipating a divorce should discuss their circumstances with an experienced Long Beach family law attorney.

If you are not listed on the birth certificate as the father, legal paternity can be determined with an easy DNA test that is typically conducted with a swab of the cheek from the child and yourself. If the mother and you were not married at the time the birth certificate was created, it is very important that you establish your parental rights legally. If you are divorcing, if you are fighting for the custody of your child or children, or if you need to establish legal paternity in the state of California, a Long Beach family law attorney can help. Fathers who seek to protect their rights as parents don’t need to go it alone.

While the fathers’ rights movement dates back to the 1960s, there is no corresponding “mothers’ rights” movement. Although the National Organization for Women (NOW) adopted a resolution opposing the fathers’ rights movement in 1996, there simply hasn’t been much interest in forming a counter-movement. Freelance writer Trish Wilson, who has written extensively about the fathers’ rights movement, says, “Feminist groups have not taken much interest in divorce and custody and how both affect women.”

Infographic – Marriage & Infidelity

Posted on: November 3, 2016 by in Divorce, Infographics
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We have all heard the statistics surrounding marriage and divorce in the United States. In many of those divorces, infidelity in the marriage is a major problem. It tears apart the foundation of trust. However, this infographic shows that the majority of marriages where there has been infidelity (by either partner) do in fact survive. You may be surprised to learn which partner is more likely to stray, admit they strayed, and who would continue the relationship if they thought they would not get caught.



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Celebrity Divorces and Adoption: Who Gets Custody?

Posted on: October 14, 2016 by in Divorce
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It is without a doubt the biggest Hollywood divorce story since Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes ended their marriage in 2012: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are calling it quits. Ms. Jolie has filed for divorce from Mr. Pitt, and she is petitioning for the physical custody of their six children. The couple have agreed to a temporary custody arrangement that was crafted by the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS). The agreement involves therapists and requires random drug testing.

It is too early to tell if the Pitt-Jolie divorce is going to be quiet or contentious. Since both stars possess plenty of property and wealth, the kids will almost certainly be the focus of any dispute. DCFS made the temporary custody recommendations and gave the couple only two options – agree to the recommendations or take the whole matter to court. These are the terms of the temporary agreement:

  • Ms. Jolie has temporary physical custody of the six children through October 20.
  • Mr. Pitt gets visitation, but a therapist must be present at the initial visit, and the therapist may then decide if Mr. Pitt can have unmonitored visitation.
  • Mr. Pitt is subject to random drug and alcohol testing. TMZ says that his first test was negative for drugs and alcohol.
  • Mr. Pitt and Ms. Jolie will each receive individual counseling, and the family will undergo family counseling together.

TMZ says that Ms. Jolie agreed to the arrangement because her focus is on “healing” her family and her children. It is only a temporary agreement, however. By the time you are reading this, DCFS could amend the agreement or turn the whole matter over to the courts. During this time, and behind the scenes, Mr. Pitt, 52, and Ms. Jolie, 41, are having “productive discussions” regarding the custody of the children, according to ET Online.


One Los Angeles County divorce attorney told, “The fact that things have quieted down is a good sign for everyone.” That lawyer says that the final parenting plan may “involve mediators, parenting plan coordinators and other mental health professionals too, making sure that all parties’ needs are met. At the end of the day any judge or court wants to see that the children involved are being properly taken care of throughout the legal process.”


The children are reportedly at a rented home in Malibu with their mother as the divorce process unfolds. The media and internet have been filled with speculation about why Ms. Jolie has chosen divorce. Unconfirmed rumors spread by the news media – and now also by the social media – make celebrity divorces far messier and much more complicated than the divorces of couples who are not public celebrities.

Speaking of regular, not-famous people, if you are divorcing or anticipating a divorce in southern California, before you take any legal measures, you should speak with an experienced Los Angeles County divorce attorney. Ms. Jolie and Mr. Pitt will very likely want to resolve any disputes swiftly and quietly, and they will be able to do that under California’s no-fault divorce laws.

Family law in the state of California does not force you to retain an attorney’s help in a divorce proceeding. You may represent yourself, but it is not a very good idea. Divorcing couples in California should also consider arbitration, mediation, or collaborative divorce. Especially when a divorce is uncontested, these options can save both spouses time, money, and considerable emotional grief.


If the final parenting arrangement includes joint legal custody, both parents will have the right to make decisions about the children’s residences, healthcare, education, and religious training. “That’s secure and it’s healthier for the kids,” one Los Angeles family lawyer told the Los Angeles Times. The couple’s oldest son, Maddox Jolie-Pitt, is 15 years old, and at that age he may spell out his own wishes regarding custody to the judge. If his wishes are rational and reasonable, under California law they must be considered – along with a number of other factors – by the court.


Before they wed – only two years back – Mr. Pitt and Ms. Jolie had three of their own children, and they also adopted children from Vietnam, Ethiopia, and Cambodia. Ms. Jolie is a special envoy for the United Nations, and Mr. Pitt has been a vocal advocate for same-sex marriage and has contributed considerably to disaster relief efforts in Haiti, New Orleans, and other spots around the world. He released this statement to People magazine: “I am very saddened by this, but what matters most now is the well-being of our kids. I kindly ask the press to give them the space they deserve during this challenging time.”


The Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services will not confirm or deny if Brad Pitt is under investigation. “We have very strict confidentiality laws that don’t allow us to confirm or deny the subjects of our investigations,” spokesperson Amara Suarez told Sgt. Barry Montgomery of the L.A. Police Department said on September 22 that the LAPD is also not investing Mr. Pitt. Sgt. Montgomery said, “We understand how rumors get spun up, and hopefully we can put a few of them to rest.”

Nonetheless, a number of reports have surfaced about Ms. Jolie claiming Mr. Pitt was abusive to their oldest son on a recent flight from France, and because it happened in the air, the FBI is determining if its agents should investigate. An FBI spokesperson told that, “In response to your inquiry regarding allegations within the special aircraft jurisdiction of the United States; specifically, an aircraft carrying Mr. Brad Pitt and his children, the FBI is continuing to gather facts and will evaluate whether an investigation at the federal level will be pursued.”


Before World War Two, divorce was rare – even in Hollywood. Most spouses with marriage troubles did not even bother to go to court. Those couples lived unhappily, together or apart, because only wealthy couples could afford divorce. Fortunately, those times are over for all of us. Today there is no reason for anyone, whether you are a movie star or you clean a movie star’s home, to stay in a failed, hopeless marriage.

Late-Life Divorce: What You Need To Know

Posted on: September 30, 2016 by in Divorce
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The rising rate of divorce among couples over 50 years old has generated a great deal of discussion and concern. While there are demographic factors that can explain the rising number of “gray” divorces, the fact that older couples are divorcing more has a number of implications for all of us. Joan Fradella, a Florida Supreme Court Certified Family Mediator with Divorce thru Mediation, Inc., makes this observation:

“Late life divorce, or gray divorce, can be scary for different reasons than younger divorces. You know that you have given it your best effort, but it may feel more difficult to start over as a newly single person…. The biggest concern is that you now have to split assets that you together worked a lifetime to build. Both parties may have a deep emotional attachment to the marital home because you raised your children there, but it may have to be sold so that you can each afford a suitable home.”

Ms. Fradella adds, “You have to figure out a way to be together at your children’s weddings, and a way to be grandparents together. You cannot expect your children to figure that out for you…. Sometimes, long buried resentments may surface, but it is better to work through that the best you can, be civil to each other, and mediate an amicable divorce, thereby preserving your assets. You still have a lot of living to do, although without each other. Change never feels easy, especially in later years. It is important to remember that many of the changes we have already gone through in life have turned out for the better in the long run.”

If you are divorcing and retiring more or less simultaneously in southern California, there’s no way around it. You’re going to need the insights and services of a good divorce lawyer. Speak first with an experienced Long Beach divorce attorney who will explain your options, guide you through the divorce process, and advocate on behalf of your long-term interests. The following recommendations may also help:

  1. If you lose half of your retirement savings, some of your retirement goals may be out of reach. Determine what is important and plan a way to finance it.
  2. Settling the divorce out-of-court lets you control the settlement – rather than the state.
  3. Learn about Social Security. You may be able to receive Social Security benefits based on your ex-spouse’s employment. This is a smart option for many divorcing spouses.
  4. Older couples may want to consider legal separation. It costs far less than divorce, and it is usually less stressful and acrimonious, too.

A divorce after fifty can present a variety of challenges, but if you are over fifty and divorcing, you can’t let your healthcare coverage become a problem. Once you know that your marriage will be dissolved, take action to keep your current coverage and look to replace it. If you are worried that the spouse you are divorcing may cancel your employer-provided insurance or fail to continue making payments, tell your attorney, and together you can take steps to retain your coverage.


If you will require private healthcare insurance after the divorce is final, begin the process at once. Take your time to learn and consider the available policy options. The least expensive health insurance is employer-provided, so if you are covered through your job, you are probably in good shape. If your coverage is through your spouse’s employer-provided insurance, you may be entitled to coverage under COBRA, the Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act, explained below. If neither spouse has healthcare coverage through a job, that puts you back to square one, seeking private individual coverage. Individual plans include:

  • preferred provider plans (PPOs)
  • HMO plans
  • less expensive plans with limited hospital and physician access
  • plans with no deductibles, no co-pays, and no waiting periods
  • umbrella plans that include dental, vision, and prescriptions
  • catastrophic plans
  • mini-med plans (these offer limited coverage to persons with preexisting conditions)

An individual health insurance plan can be purchased through an insurance company website, an insurance agent, or a purchasing group such as a professional or trade association, a credit union, or an organization like the AARP (American Association of Retired Persons). Even before you search for health insurance in earnest, speak with several agents to learn some options and get some ideas to help you search. Below, some key insurance terms are defined to help you make the best choice:

  • Deductible: the amount you must pay before insurance starts reimbursing you.
  • Co-pay: the percentage of the split between the policy holder and the insurance company. For example, under some plans, the insurer might pay 75 percent with the policyholder paying 25 percent.
  • Covered expense: an expense totally or partially reimbursed by the insurance company. Some policies pay only for a “reasonable and customary charge,” so if the actual amount is higher, the policyholder may have to pay the difference.

Generally, private insurance cannot arbitrarily be cancelled, but it may be legitimately cancelled for any failure to pay the premiums or for any failure to disclose pertinent information about your health or your medical history. It is best to seek non-cancellable, guaranteed renewable healthcare coverage. If you can’t find or afford it, then seek a “conditionally renewable” policy so that you can’t be singled out for cancellation. If a private, individual plan is not right for you, consider the alternatives listed here:


With a health savings account that you can open through your bank or through an insurance company, you can make tax-deductible contributions (deposits) up to $3,000 a year (and more if you are over age 55). Your deposited funds may then be used for qualifying medical expenses at any time. However, to be eligible to open a health savings account, you must have a health insurance policy with a high deductible.


The Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act (COBRA) is a set of laws that apply if you have healthcare coverage through your spouse’s employer. COBRA offers “qualified beneficiaries” up to 36 months of continuing health insurance coverage after a divorce. COBRA applies to companies with twenty or more employees, unions, and state and local governments. COBRA does not cover federal employees, but they typically enjoy similar benefits. Spouses of military personnel may obtain essentially the same benefits under Tricare.

Your spouse’s employer’s human relations department will know who your COBRA plan administrator is. Contact the plan administrator within 60 days after the divorce is final about your need to have continuing COBRA coverage. You will receive a notice with directions and a deadline for choosing coverage. The first premium is due within 45 days after you select a plan. COBRA coverage ends three years after the date that the divorce becomes final, or:

  • if premiums are delinquent
  • if the employer stops offering coverage or goes out of business
  • if you obtain equivalent group coverage
  • if you become eligible for Medicare


In some circumstances, the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996 (HIPAA) lets you purchase individual or group health insurance with no exclusion for a preexisting medical condition. State insurance risk pools offer help to individuals who can afford private health insurance coverage but who have been rejected for private coverage due to a preexisting condition. Medicare is the federal government’s health insurance program for those age 65 and over. Details about Medicare may be obtained from the Social Security Administration.

No divorce is ever easy, but gray divorces do tend to be less acrimonious. Illinois attorney Joshua E. Stern says, “When people get divorced later in life, particularly after a long marriage, I’ve noticed that the parties tend to stick to their private agreements. It’s not uncommon for one spouse to make sacrifices during the marriage, whether to assume more domestic work or to stay in a demanding job to support the family.”

Stern adds, “The spouse who gives up his or her career expects to be financially supported later in life. The spouse who works a demanding job may expect his or her spouse to return to work at some point and assume more of the financial responsibility. When a divorce happens later in life, the parties have operated under their private agreement for some time. They are far more likely to inform their lawyers and the court what their agreement was and what they believe a fair settlement is. I’ve found far less wrangling over spousal support and property division when people are divorced later in life.”

Anita A. Chlipala, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the founder of Relationship Reality 312 cautions that “Disconnection is the culprit for divorce, especially later in life. This shows a failure of the friendship and intimacy in the marriage. Couples need to work on their connection, but they may have focused on the kids, taken their spouse and love for granted, thought marriage shouldn’t take work, etc.”

Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, MS, LCPC, and Certified Imago Therapist with the Marriage Restoration Project notes that “While there are certain events that can push a marriage over the edge, many couples are successfully able to weather a lousy marriage for a long time.” However, for many today, “weathering a lousy marriage” is no way to live. If you are divorcing in southern California and you are 50 years old or older, an experienced Long Beach divorce attorney can address your concerns regarding retirement and healthcare, help you understand your options, and refer you to the experts and agencies that can provide more of the answers you may need.

Annulment vs. Divorce

Posted on: July 26, 2016 by in Divorce
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In the state of California, spouses who choose to part ways may or may not know that they have three legal options: divorce, dissolution, and legal separation. Divorce and annulment are the two legal procedures that end a marriage, and there are two different types of annulments. A civil dissolution is granted by a state government after a legal annulment proceeding, and a religious annulment is granted by a church. Both types of annulment dissolve a marriage, but unlike a divorce, an annulment is “retroactive” – in other words, it treats the marriage as if it had never happened.


The information offered here concerns civil annulment in the state of California, and it’s a general introduction. If someone needs to have his or her own marriage annulled in southern California, it is best to discuss the specifics of the situation with an experienced Long Beach family law attorney. What an annulment is, and what it means legally, is something that is frequently misunderstood.

Unlike a divorce, you can’t simply walk into a court and ask for an annulment. Annulments are rare in this state and are only granted by the courts for a specific reason. The judge presiding over an annulment may also resolve the issues of spousal support and property division as well as the matters of child custody and child support if there are children in the marriage. The specific reasons why an annulment may be granted in California include:

  • Bigamy: One spouse was legally married to another person at the time of the marriage.
  • Incest: The marriage was illegal because the spouses are too closely related by blood.
  • Fraud or deception: One spouse concealed something essential to a marriage, like an inability to have children.
  • Force: One of the parties was bullied, intimidated, blackmailed, or otherwise forced into the marriage.
  • No physical consummation: One spouse is physically unable to consummate the marriage, and the other did not know it when they married.
  • Age: One or both spouses were too young to consent to marriage at the time of the marriage.
  • An unsound mind: One or both spouses were impaired by alcohol or drugs at the time of the marriage or otherwise did not have the mental capacity to understand what was actually happening at the time of the marriage.

The requirements for an annulment are precise. If none of these factors apply, it is unlikely that a California judge will grant an annulment, and the alternative is divorce or legal separation. The legal distinction between divorce and annulment is that a divorce ends an existing, actual marriage, while an annulment declares that no marriage in fact actually took place. Thus, under California law, an annulled marriage is a marriage that never even happened.



Most of the marriages annulled in the state of California are marriages of a very short length – usually only a few weeks or months – so there are seldom assets or debts to divide or children to deal with. When a lengthier marriage is annulled, if the spouses can agree on child custody, child support, and the division of marital property, an annulment can be granted in far less time than a typical California divorce. If agreements cannot be reached, however, the court conducting an dissolution procedure may issue the same types of orders that a court hands down in a divorce proceeding, including but not limited to:

  • setting the terms of child support payments
  • setting the terms for child custody and visitation
  • division of marital properties and debts
  • determination of separate property claims

California divorces and California annulments accomplish most of the same goals. Both procedures dissolve marriages and separate couples from the legal obligations of a marriage license. Candidly speaking, however, an dissolution will usually cost less and will be less emotionally burdensome than a divorce. The grounds for an annulment can also determine the timing requirements for an annulment filing in this state.



California law establishes a statute of limitations for each of the grounds for an annulment. An annulment request because one spouse was too young to marry, for example, must be filed within four years of that spouse’s 18th birthday. When a statute of limitations has expired, an dissolution probably will not be granted, and the spouses will need to consider a legal separation or a divorce.

The same court forms are used by California courts for legal separations and annulments as well as for divorces. An dissolution petition’s legal paperwork usually includes a petition, a summons, a statement of the grounds for the annulment request, and an explanation of why the court should approve the request. If the spouses have children together – no surprise here – more legal paperwork will be required.

The non-filing spouse must be served a copy of the complete, filed paperwork by personal delivery (from an adult who is not a party to the case) or by mail that requires the non-filing spouse’s signature upon receipt. In southern California, anyone seeking an dissolution should have an experienced Long Beach family law attorney handle the filing and the accompanying legal paperwork, because any mistakes could delay the annulment or conceivably even cause the request to be denied.


A dissolution in this state usually requires the spouses to meet with a judge. The hearing must be scheduled at least thirty days after the non-filing spouse has been served dissolution papers. Within that thirty-day window, the non-filing spouse can file a response. After the annulment hearing, a judge may deny the dissolution request or may approve the annulment and issue court orders regarding spousal support, child custody, support, and visitation, and the division of marital property and debts.


Some couples would like to avoid a divorce, so annulment is the choice for many, and for a variety of reasons. Some people want a marriage annulled because of religious disapproval of divorce. Others may have a financial reason linked to taxes or benefits. A California family law attorney can explain how the law applies to any particular marriage in this state and determine whether or not that marriage may meet the state’s requirements for an annulment.

Infographic – The Effects Of Divorce on Children

Posted on: June 29, 2016 by in Divorce, Infographics
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Never in history has there been a higher dissolution rate than there is now. Professionals in the mental health field tell us these divorces are creating serious emotional and behavioral problems with our children. When you are facing a dissolution, you need a good divorce lawyer to represent you. Let the divorce attorney protect you, while you protect your youngsters.

The Effects Of Divorce on Children

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